Peace, quiet and children that behave - these are components of most parents' Holy Grail. The whining, fighting, tantrum-throwing antics of children in stores are often products of the parents' own making. There are ways to reign in the chaos. One of the best methods is discipline. Check out the following suggestions to right the family trip to the store:
No means no. Far too many times parents will give in to the relentless repetition of a request of a child. You've heard it. The little girl or boy keeps asking over and over and over, begging and pleading until mom or dad caves. As a parent, it is critical to realize that every time you give in, you just weaken your position for the next time your child wants something. The dynamic that is actually happening here is the parent ceding, or giving up, his or her authority to the child. In parenting, this is the kiss of death. Once you lose the position of authority with your child, getting it back takes a lot of work. Too many parents resort to yelling or punishments that are excessive to the issue at hand.
There are ways to keep control without being an ogre. For instance, if you are going to the grocery store with your child, have a discussion before you leave home about what is going to be purchased. It is always, always, beneficial to let your children have some input into what they would like to see brought home. This doesn't mean you have to alter your entire shopping list to mirror their requests (note: I did not say demands), but it does mean you'll have to be open to at least one item per child.
If your child pipes up in the store that he wants something not on the pre-planned list, remind him he had opportunity to choose this item before you left for the store. Suggest that he might want to remember that particular item next time. If he persists, it is important to employ a firm "no" that conveys the end of the discussion. If he still persists, let him know that he will forfeit his privilege of input on the next shopping trip. Lastly, if he continues to press the issue go to discipline. Discipline is not yelling and it is not always corporal (spanking). Discipline can involve training, self-control and mental toughness. Discipline is one of the most misapplied parental tools in the United States today and is another subject altogether.
Another option when the children are very young is to have them be on the lookout for certain items they will recognize. A favorite cereal or milk can keep the children focused on the task at hand. Too many times parents do not involve their children and somehow expect them to behave themselves while the parent searches labels and brands. One important fact about children is: they are influenced greatly by colorful presentations. Sights and smells in a grocery store are too much for an active child to overcome on his own. Manufacturers' marketing schemes are all geared to attract the eye, ear and nose. So engage your children. In addition, by involving your child you will also teach him how to shop well.
Older children who can read well can be given a list of items to retrieve. This offers you an opportunity to multiply yourself, making the shopping go faster, as well as the opportunity to teach them how to use overhead signage, the differing sizes of products, and how to manage money. Letting children know how much you can spend before going into the store can help you stay within your budget as well.
These suggestions can be applied to other stores as well. Remember, when you involve your children in the process of whatever you are doing, you diminish their distraction level to a more manageable level. You also teach them about what you are doing, and as an added benefit they tend to behave better. It may take a few more minutes preparation before you leave home, but the time and frustration you will save at the store are well worth it.
As with most everything child related, parents should remember children desire to be included. By taking the time to involve them, you will find less behavioral problems and a more tightly-knit family experience. Remember, when you have to do it, saying "no" to your children is not a negative experience. By saying no properly, you teach them a valuable lesson before the Big Bad World out there does it for you. This cannot be done as a once in a while venture; it must be a consistent effort on the parents' part. Nobody said parenting was easy.
